my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
