my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
