Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
