We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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