rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
