Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize