You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
