she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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