We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
