what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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