youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this beer tastes like vomit already
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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