It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
