Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
