i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize