Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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