It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
