Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i think my cat just said my name.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize