we're chasing vodka with high fives
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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