If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize