garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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