you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
