I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
