Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
