The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you inspire me to be a worse person
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize