Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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