Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
