areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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