I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
