I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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