any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
