Nicole vs. Life
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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