the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
