sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
