my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she looked like the before picture.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
