There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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