Just fell off a train. Bad.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
