Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize