my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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