i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
