Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
