Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
