I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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