The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
