Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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