She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
