like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize