A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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