This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
