What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
