wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize