K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
