I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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