Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
