Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
