Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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