He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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