Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I need to align my fucking chakras
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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