Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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