How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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