Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
