WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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