shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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