dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
