dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize