The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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