what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
