she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
