At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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