I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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