I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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