Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
