Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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