Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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