i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
