he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
